the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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