Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
