Sry I called you an 8
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
