dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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