even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize