i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
