I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
