we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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