dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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