I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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