this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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