No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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