i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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