Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
