Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
