I want to walk on stilts...naked
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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