bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
