This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
