Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
