I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
