Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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