You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
