she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
