I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
