did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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