I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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