Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
