We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
