Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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