I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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