dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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