I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
