3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I understand Curling. That high.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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