its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
