I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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