Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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