Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They took my balls.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
