I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
