Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's blow job season.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
