trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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