You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
