I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
