if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
