I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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