ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
