worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
