he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
