i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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