Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?