How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?