College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die