the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.