I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"