It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.