it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
