I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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