Screwed.edu
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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