i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
