I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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