hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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