I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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