Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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