decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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