he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
