You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
