Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
