She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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