Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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