May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
