wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
