I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize